To Love and Be Loved
by engaged-n-underage
Summary: Hermione was courted in intimacy and now realizes a slight baby bump. After Hogwarts will Draco chose his love for her and his unborn child, or the duty of his family name. HG/DM R
1. A Turn of Events

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.**

**Summary: Hermione was courted in intimacy and now realizes a slight baby bump. After Hogwarts will Draco chose his love for her and his unborn child, or the duty of his family name.**

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All deliberate speed

_Lately you've been contemplating.  
Is this real or is this fading? What brought you here in the first place?  
Everyone around us screams "It's got to be and it's got to hit you."  
Well, you and me, well we could change the world._

-Mae

I never realized how much people take life for granted. You surround yourself with all the good things in life like love, friends, good times, education. And then when disaster or the unexpected happens… people are utterly befuddled.

I, Hermione Granger, am befuddled.

If you were to write a quick description of my life, what would you say? Hermione is muggle-born, she has bushy hair, and she is best friends with Harry Potter and Ron Weasley. Hermione is known as the book worm or know-it-all. She does nothing in her free time but study, study, complain about how there is not enough homework, and study. She has no time for a boyfriend and even if she did…nobody would want her.

My hair is frizzy. I stopped trying to tame it ages ago, and yes, I use conditioner. I do study a lot, but I have a social life. I have friends, and I have good times. Nobody ever likes to add in that I am ambitious, or that I do not conform to normalcy. People also neglect that seeing as I have time for a social life… I also have a sex life.

Oh my…pigs are flying, hell has frozen over, and it is raining cats and dogs. Hermione Granger, a sex life?! Somebody must be smoking crack to find her shag-able.

Yeah, yeah. I had a hard time believing that anybody would ever want me. It was a strange encounter. It happened after potions one day in early October. I had stayed late because Professor Snape insisted that I clean up my Slytherin partner's mess. (Fuck Pansy. She will be the death of me.) Five minutes passed by and as I was walking out of the classroom two strong hands had pulled me into another one. Livid, I was about to curse out and hex this asshole, but then he started speaking these odds words to me that I honestly thought were gibberish. He said he couldn't stop thinking about me, couldn't stop dreaming about me. He said that it killed him to be around other girls because they were nothing like me. I remember being stunned, bewildered, pissed off, and yet flattered and thrilled at the same time. I asked him how. He told me it was my uniqueness, my humbleness, my natural beauty, and wittiness that he adored.

We had been fucking ever since.

I pull out of my trance. I have other things to deal with.

It is nearing six o'clock in the evening. It is a Friday. Classes have been let out, and the thought of running off to Hogsmeade is on everyone's minds. Everyone except for me, that is. Me, opting for a night in rather than at Hogsmeade is out of character, so it was rather difficult trying to persuade Harry and Ron that I was okay, not sick, and definitely not under the imperious curse. I told them plain and simple that I was busy with homework, and even though they made me aware of the fact that I always study, they left me in peace.

Peace. This should not be called peace.

Disastrous and catastrophic maybe, but defiantly not peaceful.

I take a deep breath hoping it would stop me from the crying, but to my dismay the tears are coming anyways. I am Hermione Granger. I am top in my class. I am head girl. I am friends of Harry Potter and Ron Weasley. I helped fight off Voldemort and countless of Death Eaters.

I remind myself of these things while I stare at my reflection from the full length mirror that's hanging on the back of my door. I shed my clothes and turn to my side inspecting my profile. I cry harder when I see the slightest swelling of my abdomen.

I am Hermione Granger. I am top in my class. I am head girl.

"I am pregnant."

Oh god. My fingers fumble their way to the bump. "What am I going to do?" I am in luck that there are six months of school left, so by the time I am starting to get astronomically big I will be out of Hogwarts. The thought of an abortion entered my mind of course, but I just… no mater how much I know that this baby will put a dampening on the life that I have been dreaming about since I started Hogwarts… I just couldn't take its life. I am not religious, I just have morals… and if I decide I do not want to keep the baby than I can always give it up for adoption.

I step over my clothes as the tears continue to travel down my cheeks. What are my parents going to think? Harry, Ron? Hogwarts…is expulsion my fate? Oh no, oh no, oh no. I open the door to my connecting bathroom and turn on the shower. I know that the relaxation I will feel while underneath the flowing water will only be temporary, but I was in desperate need for some kind of escape.

I stayed standing in the shower for about fifteen minutes. I spent the next 30 minutes on my bum, with my knees tucked to my chest and my arms around them. My head buried itself into my arms, and my fresh tears mixed with the water that was still falling around me.

I am Hermione Granger. I am not supposed to get pregnant. I am supposed to set an example to all of my peers and the younger students. I am Hermione Granger. I am not supposed to get pregnant. I am supposed to go off to work as soon as I graduate. I am supposed to be an Auror, a Healer, or a Ministry worker. I am Hermione Granger. I am supposed to get married, and then pop out a few little me's.

My body starts to rock back and forth.

I am supposed to have babies with the one I love… not with a fuck buddy.

"FUCK!!!!!!!"

I had not told anyone. Some type of scream, profanity, holler, or shout was bound to happen sooner or later. I was just about to go into another round of depressing thoughts when he pulled the shower curtain open. I did not look up. I knew there would be worry in his eyes. He always worried about me and it was quite unsettling. He wasn't supposed to worry over me…he was supposed to hate me. He wasn't supposed to cuddle with me…he was supposed to have passionate hate sex with me. He wasn't supposed to call me 'love' or 'baby'…he was supposed to call me mud-blood and bush. But he did worry, he did cuddle, he did call me names of endearment, and he did adore me.

It confused me so much. I wasn't certain if I agreed to the whole thing because it was the first time someone admitted to liking me, and the first time that someone showed me affection…or because I actually felt the same way. NO, I know that it started out because of the first reasons, but then as time passed by I think began to adore some of his qualities too. Something about the way he talks. His voice, his accent, though British based did not sound like the others. It is as if he was from an uncharted land with a whole other dialect. The way he laughs and his sense of humor grew on me too. He is a fan of sarcasm and has a bit of a dry wit to him. It always makes me smile…it suits him so well.

These feelings curse through my body that I almost forget about the state that I am in. Pregnant, naked, in the shower, and now being observed.

"Yes, Malfoy?" We had stopped saying each other's surnames for the most part, but since I couldn't help feel a little resentment toward him for putting me in the position I am in, I forgot.

"Are you okay?" His voice, that amazing voice was kind, sincere, and concerned. It bothered me so much. We were supposed to hate each other, and here he is worrying over my naked body.

"Peachy Keen as ever."

"Why did you scream?"

"Because I felt like it."

"You felt like screaming 'fuck'?" There was a slight hint of amusement in his tone.

"Yes, I sure fucking did." I had lifted my head up at him awhile ago, and he had turned off the water so I wasn't battling the beating water in my eye sockets.

"Why though?" He had taken a seat on the edge of the tub. He is close. I can smell the old spice aftershave on him, and I will admit that it is turning me on substantially.

I know I have to tell him. Believe me that for the past day and a half when I found out that I was pregnant, I have been trying to figure out how. Sighing, I realize that we are so young. We are seventeen, and by magical law we are said to be of age…but we are still so young.

"I was thinking." I lower my voice. I do not know who I am trying to hide it from seeing as we have the whole common room to ourselves, us being the heads of the school.

"Obviously about nothing good."

"Obviously." My eyes lower to the ground, but just as they did Draco lifts my chin with his hand forcing me to look at him. I furrow my brow trying to decipher his acts of kindness.

"Tell me," He whispers as he plants an ever so soft kiss upon my ear. I melt, like I always do when he kisses me. I am crying again, and the fact that I am naked left my mind ages ago.

"I can't." I am sobbing. He gets in the tub, fully clothed and even though it is still wet from my shower. He pulls me into the warmest hug that one could ever imagine. He graces my neck with more soft kisses.

"Yes you can."

"You'll only get mad, storm out, and never talk to me again." Talking in between sobs is extremely difficult and can cause loss of breath. I was scared to lose him. I was scared to lose him because I love the sex, I prefer not being enemies, he really did bring a new life out of me, and he made me more vibrant and passionate about life. I am scared for all of these reasons, but the main one has to be that I do not want to go through this alone. There will be stares, rumors, 'tsk's, and morning sickness. I hate to admit it, but I need him.

One more kiss on the forehead and then his lips briefly meet mine. "Try me."

Inhale.

Exhale.

"I'm pregnant."

I bit my lower lip as I watch his eyes widen, lips twitch, ears redden, and then he pulls out of our hug and leans up against the wall. At least he is still in the tub with me. I cannot tell exactly what he is thinking and those 60 seconds where he chose not to say anything were the longest 60 seconds in my life.

"Who is the father?" His voice was emotionless. His face unreadable. His question knocked me over with a sack full of bricks. I found myself getting angry at him for thinking that I would cheat on him, and then I quickly remember that we were merely fuck buddies. I whimper like a kicked puppy. Here I am trying to figure out Draco's motives and wonder if his feelings for me are really true, and also wondering if I am beginning to share the same feelings. My eyes lower again in realization that this entire time while shagging me, he has been boning other countless of the female students. I feel so violated and mentally slap myself for being so naïve. I realize that I don't need him through this. He probably doesn't want anything to do with this. You have absolutely have no idea how pissed I am now. I glare at him…the best one that I can give out.

"It pains me to admit that I was allowing myself to fall for you." I got up, quickly covered myself with a towel and went back into my room, slamming the door shut. I casted all the locking spells I knew on that door knowing that he would try to get through.

"Stubborn mother fucking prat," I mumbled as I was pacing the length of my room.

There was a bang. Then an exasperated sigh. Another bang. "HERMIONE LET ME IN!"

He made me laugh sometimes. Like I was going to let him in. "FUCK NO!"

"FINE." I was waiting for him to blast through the door but he just tapped the door thoughtfully.

"Are you really falling for me, 'Mione?" His voice was gentle and careful as though he didn't want to screw up his chances any more than he's done already.

"Correction, Malfoy. I was falling for you…was." I positioned myself on the other side of the room to allow myself enough distance from him even though there was a door between us. "Oh, and don't call me 'Mione. My friends call me 'Mione."

"I thought I was your friend…I thought I was more than your friend. I adore you, Hermione," He begged with me.

"You were not my friend. I was aware that we were fuck buddies and nothing else. You assumed that I was sleeping with someone else, so I could only assume the same from you."

"I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE FALLING FOR ME!!!!" He was getting impatient and all I could do was feel some what gratified knowing that I caused his discomfort.

"So just because you didn't know I was falling for you, you are allowed to go and fuck some sluts on the side?" I surprised myself on how calm I was behaving through this whole situation.

"What?! NO…I NEVER-"

"You know what, ferret face, just forget it. Forget everything I mentioned. I am going to sleep." I started dressing myself in black sweats and a baggy gray tee. There had not been any more communication from either side of the door for a couple minutes now so I thought it'd be safe to undo the locking charms.

Yawn.

Stretch.

Pulling myself into bed, I groaned internally as I heard Draco's shuffled feat from the bathroom. "Love?"

I cannot believe he just called me love. After everything…why?...he made no sense. It is like he was lacking in the brain area yet made it up in sexiness. By this point I was frustrated beyond belief. I closed my eyes hoping he would think I was asleep and leave me alone.

"What about your pregnancy?"

"What about it, Malfoy?"

"What are you going to do?"

What was I going to do? Just seconds before our spat my main fear was losing Draco because I wanted him there to help me along the way. Now…well now I had no idea who'd help. Ron and Harry'd get so pissed off at the fact that it's half Draco's kid and take it out on not helping taking care of it. I couldn't tell madame Pomfrey…I'd risk getting expelled. Well I figure that once they find out about my pregnancy they'll expel me, so the most logical plan is to get as much education as I can out of this year before they find out. My fingers fumbled around my belly button.

Inhale.

Exhale.

I needed someone's help. I needed his help. Fuck it. Draco will be the new death of me.

"'Mione, Love?" I would have corrected him if I wasn't so bloody tired.

"We'll talk in the AM, Malfoy." I pulled the covers over my head and was completely knocked out within the next minute.

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authors note: Let me know what you think. It is 4:20 in the AM and I am beat. peace.

love, chelsea


	2. The Risk of Hypothermia

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

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**Chapter 2: The Risk of Hypothermia**

_First Day of My Life_

_"So if you want to be with me  
With these things there's no telling  
We just have to wait and see  
But I'd rather be working for a paycheck  
Than waiting to win the lottery  
Besides maybe this time is different  
I mean I really think you like me"_

_-Bright Eyes_

I woke up the next morning with the realization that I needed to compose myself. Other than the fact that I am pregnant with the man who is supposed to be my worst enemy, and the fact that I am still in school, I cannot help but be a little excited. I always had a soft spot for children, and although I am scared shitless about being a mum…and telling everyone that I am going to be a mum, the thought makes me thrilled. I do no think that if I had this baby I would be able to give it up to someone else. I needed to tell my parents first. Maybe go to the doctors while I am on break for Christmas. Thank god I wouldn't have to wait too much longer. And then I needed to figure out a way to break it to Harry, Ron, and Ginny. Ginny, I am predicting, will be supportive. I'll have to calm her down, tell her it is not the end of the world, and although I did not plan it…I am still looking forward for it. Harry and Ron are a different story. They are so protective. I do not even think that the thought of me ever partaking in the act of intercourse has entered there mind. I'd have to worry about them not Avada Kavaring the sight of Draco…

Oh my, Draco.

I looked at the clock that was hanging over my dresser. It was ten o'clock. I still had to converse with him. The thought of him made me feel a mix of emotions. I was angry at the fact that he questioned my loyalty to him, and I am even more irritated not knowing whether or no he has been loyal to me. Loyalty. We never discussed our current "relationship", so how am I to judge him if he was not being monogamous. And then besides being angry and confused, I am grateful to have him. I am grateful for the concern and sincerity he shows me. I am grateful for having him there for me after a long day. I am grateful to have him to feel wanted and needed. The start of our relationship happened so fast and unexpected. I barely know this different side of Draco. And while he still taunts my friends, he has stopped taunting me. Instead of the "mud-blood" and "bushy hair haired know-it-all" in the corridors, I know receive a wink, a soft brush of his shoulder on mine, and even sometimes a smile.

Harry and Ron were oblivious as well as everyone else. I wouldn't understand how anyone could even suspect us having this type of affair…our actions toward each other were subtle and unknowing to the wandering eyes. We were not absent from our friends. When ever we did find time to have sex…it was always later…or earlier…when we were expected to be in our Common Room.

I shouldn't have feelings for him. These feelings, although simple and innocent, were bound to increase in intensity. I pulled myself out of my plush bed and slipped my feet into my red floral slippers. He shouldn't have feelings for me. Yes, no matter our spat last night…it was completely obvious that he cared. But that doesn't mean that he should care. He is supposed to hate me. I gather my frizzy hair up into a high bun and let out a small exhale. He is supposed to ignore me and glare at me, and smirk and make fun at how awkward I am. I glance at my reflection. I had dark circles under my eyes and to be completely honest I looked bloody horrific. If only Draco could realize this…if only he had realized this…we would not be in this predicament.

I gather up all my courage and walk out of my room and into the common room that Draco and I shared. My eyes landed on his sleeping form on the couch in front of the fire place. A sigh escapes my lip. He was so beautiful. He was at peace. I did not want to wake him up with my problems. I took a seat next to his form and caressed his cheek lightly.

I couldn't understand how last night I was swearing out this beautiful blonde, and now…the next morning all I want to do is hold him and be apart of the warmth he sheds on me. I was completely screwed. Why did I ever let myself get so attached…and only in the span of 2 and half months.

Inhale.

Exhale.

"Draco?" I whispered tracing my finger across his bottom lip. He didn't budge. And at first I figured that it must be because it wasn't the right time to talk to him, but then he mumbled something.

"'Mione, don't go." I wasn't planning on going anywhere. I hadn't moved. My finger was still on his lips. My brow furrowed and I leaned in closer, resting my lips on his this time. He kissed back lightly as he opened his eyes slowly. He looked relieved to see me. Probably because I was acting so much better than I was last night.

I pulled back and he sat up. He had sleepy's in his eye and I got it out for him, as he remained quiet. We were quite a sight. I hope he saw the horrific-ness of my appearance this morning, yet at the same time I didn't.

"Ever since us…," He motioned towards me and him, "It has only been you."

I hear the words that escape his godsend lips. Of course it has only been me. I never saw him talking to any other girl. He always looked so miserable when I was not around. And the looks in his eyes whenever they caught mine…well it said it all. I am now completely overwhelmed in emotions. I want to cry because he makes me feel so… so… god, so wanted and needed. I want to cry because no matter how amazing this is for us, no one would understand. No one would be willing to understand. I wanted to cry because at the end of all this, Hogwarts, the pregnancy… what would happen. He is Draco. He is a Malfoy. He is supposed to hate muggle-borns. What would his family do? Would he even tell them? If he doesn't than where does that leave us?

My head is beginning to hurt.

He holds me closer. He gives me hope. I smile into his chest. "You have no idea how much that means to me."

We spent awhile in each others arms until I had to get up to use the bathroom. While in there I tried to make my appearance look a little less hideous and then cautiously walked back out to him. We still had matters to discuss. Once I was seated next to him with my knees tucked to my chest a lot like last night I glanced up at him telling him that I was ready.

"Are you keeping it?" He placed a hand on my knee and began rubbing soft circles on my gray sweat pants.

"Of course I am." My voice was unhesitant.

Silence.

"Do you know how far a long you are?"

"Um…around a month and 3 weeks."

"What I don't understand is how…we always used a contraceptive charm…and you are on that muggle contraption." His face was scrunched and he was glancing down at my stomach. Ugh. That reminded me…if I had a small bump at one month…good god, I am going to get huge. "Contraceptive Charms are always effective…one hundred percent."

I was shaking my head. "That night of the fall dance… October fifteenth or something… we were in such a hurry that we barely made it to the common room. We must have forgotten to use the charm." I cursed myself for being so stupid and irresponsible,

"Yes, okay…but what about the muggle thing…"

"It is only 99.9 percent effective." I sighed. Stupid muggle birth control.

He laughed. It was not a humorous laugh, but more like one due to disbelief. "So the chance of you getting pregnant was .1 percent….my sperm must be potent as shit."

I laughed in spite of myself. He always knew how to make me laugh whether or not he was trying to. I kiss him hard for no reason besides the fact that I could no longer resist doing so. He quickly responded and wrapped his arms around my waist. My hands, as always started in his hair, massaging and combing through it. His tongue gained entrance quite quickly and I let him dominate. I didn't need to be in control. Right then and there I needed to be comforted.

After a few good moans, and feel-sees, I broke away but not pulling away too much. Our faces were still inches apart. "What are you going to do, Draco?"

He looked as if I was crazy. "I am going to be here for you." I can feel the tears swell up in my eyes and I am so happy that I want to scream, but I refrain from doing so. I don't want to scare him away though I am aware that me being pregnant didn't have that affect on him.

* * *

_Hero/Heroine_

_"And I feel a weakness coming on  
It never felt so good to be so wrong  
Had my heart on lockdown  
And then you turned me around  
And I'm feeling like a newborn child  
Every time I get a chance to see you smile  
It's not complicated  
I was so jaded"_

_-Boys Like Girls_

It was around noon when I walked out of the common room fully showered and dressed in tattered jeans and a simple sage tee. I had to take a trip to the owlery and write my parents asking them to set up a doctor's appointment. I am going to assume that they are going to ask why since I got a physical just before the term started. I wanted to tell them, write it down in my letter and get it off my chest, but I knew it would only be fair to tell them in person. I also had to inform them that I'd be expecting a visitor from school.

A smile graced my lips as I remembered how he said, just twenty minutes ago, that he wanted to go with me to the doctors. He really did care…and wanted to be involved in this. My God, Draco Malfoy wanted to be apart of my pregnancy. I couldn't believe it. He wanted to take control of the consequences of his actions.

My smile grew into a grin.

I reached the owlery after climbing about ten rotating staircases and walking down seven darkened corridors. The smell that reached my nose made me want to hurl. I am unaware if it was because of my pregnancy, the smell of the owl droppings, or both mixed together. I quickly walked over to the wooden desk, grabbed a piece of parchment, ink pen, and began to write.

Dear Mum and Dad,

The holidays are almost amongst us and I am ever so excited to see you both. School is going as well as ever, and I am quite pleased to say that I am doing extremely well in all my classes. I am writing to ask if you could set up an appointment at Dr. Sue's office for me when I come home for break. I am fine, so there is no need to worry. I will explain when I see you at Hogwarts Express. Also I am going to be expecting a visitor form school sometime on break. You do not know him yet, but I am sure you will approve.

I love you both and miss you both tremendously. Owl back…I promise it won't bite.

Love,

Hermione

I reread the letter about five times before the smell started getting excruciatingly strong. I quickly tied it to a large tawny owl's leg and directed it to where it needed to go. Then I got the hell out of there.

As I was on my way down to the Great Hall for some late lunch I ran into Draco, and he stole a quick chaste kiss from me before going our separate ways. Butterflies contaminated my stomach the entire way there, and wouldn't leave even as I took a seat in between Harry and Ginny at the Gryffindor table.

"What are you so happy about?" Harry mused as he took sight of me.

I hadn't realized the maddening grin that was present on my face. Oh just the fact that Draco Malfoy is the sweetest guy on the planet. I laughed…ah, what to say.

"Oh nothing really. I just read this really interesting journal by this wizard who concocted this potion in the early fifteen hundreds…"

"I see…anyways are you coming to the quidditch game today?"

My smile disappeared as I looked at the ceiling of the Great Hall. "Harry, do you realize that it is snowing profusely?" What the hell were these people thinking…riding their brooms around in the snow. It was utterly ridiculous.

"So?" Ron and Ginny were now waiting for my answer. Stupid quidditch players.

"You are bloody mad." I shivered just thinking about the blizzard waiting for me out there.

"Come on, you never go," Ginny pleaded while Ron, mouth stuffed with potatoes, nodded his head rapidly with a certain hope in his eyes. I really did not understand what the big deal was with this whole quidditch nonsense…and in the snow?

"I do not want to witness your death caused by hypothermia." I really didn't, and I didn't want to die from it either. I started putting a ham and cheese sandwich together and swabbed on some mayo.

"You have to see us beat the Slytherins!" Ron nearly begged. Mashed potato had somehow found its way to his forehead. I rolled my eyes and glanced over at the Slytherin table. My eyes caught with Draco and instantly I wanted to go. Oh god. How terrible was that. I was not willing to die from hypothermia for my friends, but I was just to watch him play. I somehow tore my eyes away from his just as he was smiling at me and looked back to Ron.

"Honestly Ron, how on earth are you so messy when it comes to food?" He made an attempt to wipe his cheek. I shook my head. He wiped his nose. I shook my head and pointed to my forehead. He didn't get it and I was unwilling to correct him.

"So are you going to go?!" Ginny's perky voice came from my right. I sighed. I wanted to see him play. I wanted to see as much of him as I could. Like I said earlier, Draco will be the death of me.

"Alright then." They cheered and smiled, and I smiled at their happiness. How am I going to tell them that I am pregnant…with Draco Malfoy's baby? "But if I freeze to death…I better have the most extravagant funeral ever, okay?"

"Sure, sure," Harry replied while rubbing my shoulder. "Now it starts at 3 so you have an hour to get the proper layering of clothes on. I expect to see you sitting where we can all see you.

I laughed, finishing up my sandwich, "Yes sir! I'll see you over there." I got up, waved them off and headed up to my dorm to adorn myself with countless of sweat pants and sweaters.

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**Alright. Thanks for all of my reviews. I am sorry for making Hermione swear so much…it really was out of character. I tried to tone it down a bit in this one. Let me know what you think. Peace.**

**Chelsea**


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